Drug of choice?!

As I was doing routine chart checks last month, I came across this notation in the initial assessment of a new client:

"Substance abuse: Client says he smokes marijuana and snorts Smarties."

I wasn't sure if this was a new name for a street drug, so I asked the therapist who'd done the assessment to clarify.

"No, he snorts crushed Smarties candy. He even did a line in my office."

Good point

Patient quote of the week:

"My family tells me 'tobacco is an antipsychotic that will kill you, but keeps everyone else from killing you in the meantime.'"

Mouth, meet foot

Note to self:
When describing your desire to work with the local jail inmate population and do more health education and health promotion activities with them at the multi-department staff meeting (which includes all of your supervisors and their supervisors) avoid using the phrase "they're a captive audience."

Brains are squishy

Helmets are good. Not only does wearing one (gasp!) protect your head from severe injury, but it can even protect other people's heads from severe injury. (By modeling good behavior and convincing them to wear helmets...)

I was recently trying to explain this to Mr. Skateboard. Between multiple traumatic brain injuries and organic brain damage from before he got sober, Mr. Skateboard's memory is somewhat impaired. (He didn't come see us for three months because he forgot where our office was.)

"Are you wearing a helmet when you're out skateboarding with the kids? Because a bonk on the head can really scramble your brains," I said.
"Nah, I been bonked on the head a lot and I'm fine!"

This is why I don't talk about politics at Christmas

Chart check quote of the week:

"Client has persecutory delusions involving RCMH employees and some national political figures, as evidenced by statements like "Sarah Palin is so evil even the aliens don't want anything to with her."

Drug-seeking voice mail of the day

As I checked my voice mail yesterday, there was the following message:

"Hi, I just got out of the hospital and I really need something for anxiety. They gave me something good there, you can check my records if you like. It's called lorazepam. L-o-r-a-z-e-p-a-m. So if you could get Dr. Analytic to prescribe it for me, that would be great." [click]

Buddy, it's great that you took the time and effort to think about what drug you wanted the doc to give you, and even spelled out its name for us. While it's pretty unlikely that he'd prescribe one of the most-abused medications to you without seeing you himself in an office visit, at least you gave it a good shot. But since you didn't give us your name and phone number, it's not going to do you any good!

One of the lesser-known saints

We have a new psychologist at work. As we were introducing ourselves, he asked what I did as a nurse for the mental health department.

"I arrange for medications to be delivered to our office for the clients who pick them up here. I also telephone doctor's offices to coordinate care of complex patients. There's about fifteen people who come by every week for their injections--"

Comprehension dawned in his eyes. "So you're the Risperdal lady!"

Sure, Mac. Just call me "Our Lady of Antipsychotics." You thought nuns whacking you with rulers was bad--I'll do them one better!