Awkward!

A lot of what I do is contacting patients about their medication issues. But when a new problem popped up ten minutes before my lunch break, I decided to see if someone else could handle it.

"Carlene," I asked the secretary closest to me, "Can you call Mr. Felonious and tell him we faxed his prescription to Local Pharmacy?"

"Sure thing." Carlene turned to the other secretary. "Judy, can you do that for HelloNurse?"

Judy looked nonplussed. "I guess so, but why can't you call Mr. Felonious yourself?"

"He robbed my parents' house for drug money about four years ago, so I try to avoid him."

"That has to be weird--he has appointments here every week," I said.

Carlene chuckled ruefully. "Especially since his family still lives across the street!"

Fashion tips from Child Protective Services workers

Overheard at work:

"I don't wear much makeup. Usually just foundation. Unless I have to go to court or something and then I put on eyeliner."

E-mail amuses me

Dr. Analytic has decided to change his e-mail signature. After months of having it read
"Dr. Overly Analytic, MD, PhD
Medical Director, Random County Mental Health
Putting the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional' "

he has changed the last line to be a revolving selection of lyrics from 80s rock songs.

"Dr. Overly Analytic, MD, PhD

Medical Director, Random County Mental Health

Here we are, we're the princes of the universe!"

"Dr. Overly Analytic, MD, PhD

Medical Director, Random County Mental Health

It must have been cold there in my shadow"

Police report of the week

"He says his cat told him he needs to drive into the vortex to save Shania Twain from the aliens who are holding her hostage."

Office space

The nursing office at RCHM is white. The only decoration on the walls is a large poster (thoughtfully provided by a drug company) illustrating locations for intramuscular injections. The over all effect is less reminiscent of interior decorating magazines circa 1995 and instead screams "we're too lazy to decorate."

So I brought a small picture of my family and put it up on top of the bookshelf.
"Do you have to do that?" GoodbyeNurse asked. "I hate looking at pictures of people I don't know."
Guess I shouldn't have given him that pep talk about being more assertive and sticking up for himself!

Drug reps confuse me

Drug reps visit our office often. They tell us all kinds of things about their product in the hope that the doctors will prescribe it. Some of it may even be true.

Last week, the rep for Meltthevoices came to visit. As far as antipsychotic drugs go, it's pretty effective, and comparatively cheap. (Only seven hundred dollars a month!) Unfortunately, the people at MegaDrugs who designed it didn't think the design process through completely. The concept that if you're going to have a medicine taken by dissolving under the tongue you may want to think about how it tastes apparently never crossed the creators' minds. Within six months of FDA approval, the company nearly stopped making it because the patient reaction to the taste was so negative.

So I asked the drug rep about this.

"I got so many complaints about the taste that I even tried a small sliver of a 5mg tablet to see what they were talking about--and it was really bad--"

"You actually took antipsychotic medication just to try it?!" GoodbyeNurse interrupted.

"Well, yes, but I took it at bedtime and didn't have anything planned for the next day in case it made me too sleepy to do anything." He abruptly remembered his spiel. "And that's why it now comes in MegaBerry flavor!"

GoodbyeNurse raised an eyebrow inquiringly.

The drug rep sighed. "Yes, I tried it too. It's definitely an overpowering fruity berry flavor, but it's way better than the original."

More things you don't want to hear during staff meetings

At the "Difficult Cases" staff meeting last month, we were discussing how best to re-engage Mr.Incredibly Unhappy with our services. He had stopped taking his medications some time before, and had decompensated to the point where he was having multiple weekly contacts with the RC Sheriff's office for being a public disturbance.
Barry had an idea. "LuAnn is his case manager. I'm sure she can take care of it!"
LuAnn had different plans. "I'm rubber, you're glue, everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you!