More things you don't want to hear during staff meetings

At the "Difficult Cases" staff meeting last month, we were discussing how best to re-engage Mr.Incredibly Unhappy with our services. He had stopped taking his medications some time before, and had decompensated to the point where he was having multiple weekly contacts with the RC Sheriff's office for being a public disturbance.
Barry had an idea. "LuAnn is his case manager. I'm sure she can take care of it!"
LuAnn had different plans. "I'm rubber, you're glue, everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you!

Time for a new dictation service

I found this in a patient's chart this week:

"I will call the client's PCP about her gigolo's vain dissension."

It's called JUGULAR VEIN DISTENTION!

The sad tale of Not Quite Bright

IntimidatingShrink has been a forensic psychologist for a long time. In addition to doing standard mental health assessments on inmates, he also gets to do competency and "how likely are you to re-offend" exams. He keeps us posted whenever "our people" wind up in the criminal justice system.

I got a call from him the other day.
"You have a Not Quite Bright on your caseload, right?"
"Yeah..." I've got about ninety people on my caseload. It takes a minute to remember who's who without accessing our computer records.
"You may want to put his case on hold for a few months. He's back in jail in meth possession charges."
This surprised me. "He just was in last month on meth charges. Did he jump bail?"
"Mr. Bright got arrested yesterday when he went to his court date for last month's meth charges. He actually had more meth in his pockets that he brought to court!"

You brought WHAT to the potluck?

One of the therapists retired last week. As we usually do, the department threw her a going-away party. People brought lots of cakes and pies and side dishes.

And two golden retriever puppies.

They were about eight weeks old; at that stage where they're all fluffy and big-eyed but still waddle and occasionally fall over their own feet when they walk. I'm still not sure why they were there (or even who brought them) but they sure were cute!

Can't make this stuff up

An excerpt from a police report I found in a patient's chart:

"Officer Perky visited the residence and saw that the door was ajar. To maintain community security, he went inside. He found a trail of broccoli throughout the house, leading to the bedroom. On top of the dresser in the bedroom was a banana peel, arranged to look like a small shrine..."

Please tell me I didn't hear that

Lunch time gets interesting around here.

Therapist from Child & Family department: "Man! I hate dropping stuff on the floor here, because I have to pick it up!"
"You don't have to pick it up at home?" I asked.
"I do, but I have three dogs, so it usually gets eaten first."

In mental health, it takes one to know one

The title of this blog comes from something my husband said to me as I was leaving for work one day: "Have fun working with crazy people! And be good to your patients too."

Or as SuperNP likes to put it: "We're all working here because we're not all there."