Punctuation matters more than you think

There are days at work when I'm on top of everything. Yesterday was not one of those days. I realized this as I was reading the crisis log from the night before. The log follows the time-honored format of listing the patient, the hospital at which they were seen by the crisis department, and what problem drove them to seek crisis services.
"John Doe. Random County Hospital. Delusional, found by police intoxicated, naked and directing traffic. Indigent."
"Jane Doe. Our Lady of the Wilderness Medical Center. Suicidal cobra."
I read this and had a grand old WTF moment. Not at John's plight, mind you. If ever there were a good reason for the sheriff to take one on an unexpected trip to the ER of the local psych hospital, that would be it.
But Jane's predicament was a different story. I mean, what the heck does a suicidal cobra have to do with calling our county's crisis hot line? Is it even legal to own a cobra in this state? If it doesn't talk and doesn't have movable eyelids, how do you know the snake's emotional state?
After I got done pondering these things aloud with the crisis workers, one of them politely pointed out that the crisis log's format had changed. It now had room for the client's insurance information. Jane was suicidal. With COBRA insurance.

Overheard at the staff meeting

“Phil Sheridan? Is this "babies in the sewer" Phil Sheridan?” one of the experienced therapists asked on hearing a new client's name.
“Babies in the sewer? What’s that all about?” a newly hired therapists asked.
“About five years ago, he was pounding on Sonny and Cher’s apartment door, screaming that they’d taken his baby and flushed it down the toilet and he was going to get in their house to get into the sewer and rescue it,” she explained.
“So after the cops came, we evaluated him and had him committed to the state hospital until he was stable again. Apparently he just got out of prison for something else and is back in town,” the crisis worker with the most seniority finished.
The new therapist still looked puzzled. “So was there a baby at all?”
The crisis team all started laughing, which is never a good sign. “No, no baby, just crazy Phil.”